Not How It Was Meant To go
by XCastielXNovakX
Summary: Rory is with Dean and Jess is with Shane. Jess wants to make Rory jealous and he's doing a good job of it... and goes too far... Full summary inside. better than it sounds, But dark and very depressing, you have been warned! dont read if you cry easy!R&R


**A/N: Hi, welcome to my depressing little one-shot. Hope you like it. R&R. XX**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, just a depressing mind and a Gilmore Girls obsession. GG characters and events belong to ASP.**

**Summary: Rory is with Dean and Jess is with Shane. Jess wants to make Rory jealous and he's doing a good job of it. He enjoys seeing her angry, he especially enjoys seeing Dean angry. One day he goes too far…**

**Thoughts in _italics__, (bold) italics for screaming in their head. Enjoy… sort of._**

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><p><em>A Boy Liked A Girl But Wanted To Make Her Jealous.<em>

_Then One Day_

_Things Went Terribly Wrong._

_The Next Few Weeks_

_Were Like A Very Sad_

_Song._

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><p><strong><span>Not how it was meant to happen<span>**

**_Rory's POV_**

Rory stared at Jess and Shane in disgust. Jess had his back up against a tree while Shane practically ate his face. _How can they even have the energy to do that so much?_ She thought bitterly, Dean had his arm wrapped around her waist; they were sat on a bench while Dean talked to her but she wasn't listening, she was too busy staring at the couple across the street.

"Rory?" Dean jolted her.

"Huh? What?" She muttered, having no idea what he'd just been talking about.

"Have you been listening to a word I've said?" He was getting angry. She could tell.

"Yeah, of course I was… I um…I just… um… missed the last bit, its noisy out here" She stuttered, it wasn't noisy; it was practically silent except a few distant conversation and the wind.

"Okay then, where did you hear up to?" D_amn,_ Rory thought_ Quick, think of something._ Nothing. _Come on! Anything is better than silence! Just think!_ Her brain switched off so she just sat flapping her mouth open and closed; hoping something intelligent would come out. It didn't

"Something about Clara?" _Yes! He always talks about her; he had to have mentioned her at some point_.

"I haven't mentioned Clara all day," He stated clearly. _Damn!_

"Rory, I have to go, my shift starts in 5 minutes … I'm um… see you later." He got up with a sigh and walked off quickly before Rory could say anything.

She blamed Jess.

She wasn't sure why, he had nothing to do with it but she couldn't help think that if he hadn't been there with Shane she would have paid attention to Dean. But she knew even if Jess wasn't there she would have spaced out thinking about him anyway and that wasn't his fault… was it? No. No, of course not. She shook her head and walked off home.

Lorelai was staying at Sookie's to help her and Jackson out with something but Rory wasn't paying attention to what she was saying, her thoughts were, yet again, on Jess.

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><p>When Lorelai left, Rory went to Luke's for coffee. She ordered and sat at the counter with the mug clutched in both hands. Jess and Shane were sat at a table kissing… again!<p>

"_Jeez", _she muttered, "_Get a room…"_ then shuddered at the thought.

Luke told Jess to take Shane home so they both left the diner; Jess grabbed his leather jacket on the way out, he was holding hands with Shane like Rory wasn't even there. She didn't know whether he was doing it on purpose or not. Rory ordered a burger and fries and waited. He didn't come back for nearly an hour and his hair was messier than usual and his top button was undone on his shirt.

Rory cringed as she thought about why.

Not that the thought was bad it was just because it was with _shane,_ not her.

He went upstairs after hanging his jacket up and, out of impulse, she followed him. He had a cigarette packet out and shoved it back in the draw he was stood in front of out of panic when he heard the door open, he must of though it was Luke because when he noticed it was Rory he relaxed and got it out again and produced a lighter from his jeans pocket.

"What are you doing up here?" He asked casually. He didn't light the cigarette, just held it between his middle and index fingers. Rory thought this was because he knew she hated it and was being considerate, she almost smiled... almost.

Rory panicked, she honestly didn't know why she followed him, but her mouth started moving before she could think.

"I need to ask you something," _What? Need to ask him what? Shut up, mouth!_

"Oh yeah? What?" He replied, he was laid on the bed now with a Hemmingway book open in front of his face.

_Did you honestly except him not to ask what?_ She lectured her stupid mouth, but before she got chance to point out how ridiculous the idea to follow him up was to her legs, her mouth spoke up again. Damn troublemaker!

"Do you love her?" She gasped inwardly at her own question but it had been playing on her mind and she'd already said it now so there was no taking it back. Might as well just wait for him to reply and stare at the floor.

"Yeah," He said simply. He was sat up now and the book was lying facedown next to him.

She looked up from where she was staring intensely at her sneakers.

"You do…? Oh, okay," She tried to sound like she wasn't fazed by it but it felt like her world had shattered around her and she could hear her voice break on 'okay' and she was pretty sure Jess heard it too. She walked as quickly as she could, without breaking into a run, out of the apartment and down the stairs to the counter. Luke was stood behind it sorting receipts. She got out her money and paid for the food and coffee that she'd hardly touched. Luke noticed her hands shaking violently as she handed over the notes to him, "Rory, are you okay?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

"I'm fine, thanks for the food," She muttered before darting out the door, under Kirks arm, who had just walked through, before he could stop her.

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><p><em>He Made Her Jealous<em>

_On Purpose He Tried._

_When The Girl Asked, "Do You Love Her?"_

_On Purpose He Lied._

_He Played With Jealousy_

_Like It Was A Game._

_Little Did He Know_

_Things Would Never Be The Same._

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><p>She sprinted all the way home; everyone she passed gave her either a concerned look or a confused, questioning look. The only person who tried to stop her was Miss Patty, who wanted to know if everything was okay but Rory just shoved past her muttering something along the lines of 'I'm fine, thanks' but not trusting herself to speak above a whisper of fear of her voice betraying her true emotions. When she finally got to the Crap Shack she collapsed against the door panting… and crying. She changed into different clothes (a blue vest top and baggy gray sweatpants) and sat in her room thinking of everything that had happened.<p>

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><p><em>His Plan Was Working<em>

_But He Had No Clue._

_How Wrong Things Would Go,_

_The Damage He Would Do._

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><p>She didn't love Dean.<p>

She may of at some point, but not anymore. She loved Jess, there was no question anymore, after how much it hurt to hear him say her loved _her_ it was clear she loved him. Her legs took her to the kitchen and before she realized she was even moving she had picked up a huge knife and was back in her room sitting cross-legged on her bed. It looked surprisingly friendly now. She picked up her notebook and pencil and scribbled violently, then she picked up the phone and dialed Luke's number, which she'd known off by heart from the age of 12.

"Luke's," Luke answered.

"Hey, um, can I talk to Jess please? It's Rory,"

"Rory, are you okay? You rushed out of here before I could make sure and your mother would kill me if something was wrong and I didn't at least try find out what,"

Rory smiled as tears fell freely down her cheek. She was going to miss him.

"I'm fine, just forgot to turn the TV off and mom always said it'd explode if I didn't," She was over that lie by the age of 8 but she thought it might at least half convince Luke enough so he didn't ask anymore questions.

"Okay…I'll go tell Jess to pick up the phone," He shouted up to Jess then a moment later, she heard Jess' voice say "Hello?" down the phone. It brought even more tears to her eyes

"Jess, it's me. Rory. I just wanted to say… I love you, goodbye!" She hung up the phone as soon as the words left her lips.

Then she picked up the knife, lifted it to her wrist and said goodbye to suffering and pain.

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><p><em>One Night She Broke Down,<em>

_Feeling Very __Alone._

_Just Her And The Blade,_

_No One Else Home._

_She Dialed His Number,_

_He Answered, "Hello"_

_She Told Him She Loved Him_

_And Hung Up The Phone._

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><p><strong><em><span>Jess' POV.<span>_**

He saw Dean storm off, away from her. He wished he could go up to her and kiss her like he kissed Shane. But he couldn't. She wouldn't admit she liked him then he wouldn't admit he like her. God, he was stubborn.

He took Shane for a walk, he though about going to the bridge but he didn't want her there. It was his and Rory's place. Shane didn't belong there. They wondered aimlessly around Stars Hollow for a few hours then headed to the Diner. They carried on making out at one of the tables, much to Luke's annoyance (bonus!) since Jess wasn't working today. Rory came in. He carried on kissing Shane so she didn't know he knew she was there. She kept glancing back at them every few minutes. Jess smiled into the kiss. Luke stormed over about ten minutes later and ordered him to take Shane home so he grabbed him jacket and left, holding Shane's hand, making sure Rory could see but not being too obvious about it.

He took Shane home, kissed her goodnight, and started walking back towards Luke's. He got an idea on the way back and decided to wonder round for an hour or so, ending up at the bridge. When he started back he messed up his hair and undid a button on his shirt.

He saw her cringe as he walked past her up the stairs. He smirked to himself.

He got his secrete pack of cigarettes out (he has to hide them because of Luke) and fished around for a lighter when he heard the door open and shoved them back in the draw, hoping Luke hadn't caught him. He turned round getting ready for one of him rants but instead of big, scary, gruff uncle Luke, he saw petite, perfect, amazingly sweet Rory Gilmore.

He relaxed and got the pack out again and produced a lighter from his jeans pocket.

"What are you doing up here?" He asked casually.

He could see Rory panic, "I need to ask you something,"

"Oh yeah? What?" He replied, he laid on the bed picking a Hemmingway book off his pile and holding it in front of his face to hide the smile.

"Do you love her?" While she waited for him to reply she stared at the floor.

"Yeah," He said simply. **_Oh my god! Liar! What are you doing! Say no! Say you love her, Rory, not Shane, Shanes a decoy, that's all! Crap! Why do you have to screw everything up! _**The voice in his head screamed at him but he didn't say anything else, on the inside he was going insane but on the outside he was sat up and the book was lying facedown next to him, calm and relaxed… _and stupid and arrogant! Don't forget stupid and arrogant!_ The voice in his head chimed in. He silently told it to shut the hell up.

She looked up from where she was staring intensely at her sneakers.

"You do…? Oh, okay," he heard her voice break slightly at the end. **_Fix it you idiot! What are you doing? You don't love Shane! Your going to loose the one person you do love just because your too stubborn to admit you fucking love her!_** No matter how much the inner-voice shouted and screamed and kicked the inside of Jess' head, supprisingly actually giving him a a headache, he still sat quietly watching her until she half-ran out.

**_DAMN IT! YOU ABSOLUTE DOUCHE!_**

"Shut up! Or I swear I **WILL** kill you!" _You **do** realize you're threatening a voice in your head right?_ It said back sarcastically. The voice sounded suspiciously like Luke, now that he thought about it.

About half an hour later Luke shouted up to pick up the phone. Jess sighed and rolled his eyes but he got up and walked over to the phone on the wall of the apartment.

Luke said it was Rory. He decided he'd tell her. He answered the phone and acted as though he didn't know it was her, "Hello?"

"Jess, it's me. Rory. I just wanted to say… I love you, goodbye!" She hung up the phone as soon as she was finished.

Jess stood in shock.

The voice was back, _told you you should have just said you loved her._ He didn't bother threatening it again. He had other things to worry about. There was a tone in her voice, and when she said goodbye… it sounded like a real goodbye not just 'talk to you later'. He stood still for a minute then snapped out of it, running to the Gilmore house. Luke tried to stop him and ask him what was going on but the Diner was practically empty (apart from Kirk) and Jess was short and really skinny as well as desperate so he ducked past him pretty easily (plus Luke wasn't exactly very quick and responsive). _"I love you, goodbye!" _When you grow up in New York with Liz Danes you learn what that tone and 'goodbye' means. It was cold and he only had a short sleeve shirt of but he didn't have time to grab his jacket, he waisted enough time staring at the wall like a jackass. He had to get to Rory before- he didn't even want to think about it.

He got to the house and banged on the door before storming in, not waiting for a reply.

"Rory! Rory!" He went straight to her bedroom and almost collapsed when he looked in, but forced himself to move to the bed where she lay with a puddle of blood round her wrist. He put two fingers to her throat to find a pulse but felt no movement. Tears were streaming down his face, usually he hated crying, he thought it showed weakness but right now he didn't care. There was a note on her bedside table with _JESS_ written in capitals on it. He unfolded it and sat on the floor by her bed hugging his knees while he read it.

_Dear Jess,_

_I love you!_

_I've already told you that on the phone but I have to write it down too. I loved you from the moment you came to town. Dean is nothing more than a friend an ex to me now._

_I need you._

_I decided I needed you but then I realized I couldn't have you. Shane is lucky. I don't want to take you away from her because if I was her and someone tried to take you away from me I'd end up trying to claw their eyes out an, personally, I like my eyes where they are. (Wow, even now I can try and be funny) I'm glad you're my friend and I hope you are glad too; the only thing I regret with us is that I didn't tell you sooner. Again, I don't want to take you from Shane but I can't help think that if I did then you would have loved me too then Shane wouldn't have fallen for you in the first place and no one would have gotten hurt._

_I'm really sorry to ask you this but could you do me a favor, think of it was a dying was (joke), obviously I don't know if you will or not so I'll just assume you said yes because your so nice __. Could you tell my mom I love her? And Luke? And lane? And tell dean… Well just tell him I'm sorry… for everything._

_Well I guess I'm rambling now ('a rambler in life's a rambler in death' as they say… not sure who says that but you understand, you've always understood me) so goodbye. And know I love you and I'm watching you read this right now, up in heaven. Oh, is that a little tear I see there? It better be __(joke)!_

_I love you all!_

_Lorelai "Rory" Leigh Gilmore_

_P.S. I thought I'd use my full name to make it official and because I want you, mom, to remember I'm still yours and always will be. Xxxx_

Jess cried for hours until morning, when Lorelai came home he had gone emotionally numb. He handed her the note and kissed Rory on the forehead whispered "I love you too, I never loved Shane, I'm so so sorry" and walked out and back to the diner.

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><p><em>He Raced To Her <em>_House_

_Just A Minute Too Late._

_Found Her Lying In Blood_

_Her Heart __Had No Rate._

_Beside Her Was A Note,_

_In It Her Confession._

_Her Love For This Boy,_

_Her Only Obsession._

_As He Read The Note,_

_He Knelt Down And Cried_

_He'll Regret Every Moment,_

_The Fact That He Lied_

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><p><strong>AN: I know depressing, right? R&R.**


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